Monday, March 2, 2009


i think i'm going to start blogging on just looks amazing...sorry blogspot.

Um...also...I'm getting cats this weekend.


Friday, February 27, 2009

Resolutions Update and Is It Spring, Yet?

Resolutions, Resolutions Update!

1. Volunteer at the Children's Hospital.

Not gonna happen...I'm pretty sure I have to have Health Insurance for this one-Which I don't. So I'm replacing this goal with Do more Yoga and/or Pilates. I did both today! I think I'm going to do less of the actual weight lifting, and more of these two things-Especially since the are both mega challenging for me...I thought I was pretty muscley...Guess not.

2. Be creative.

Well...I have been more creative in my clothes lately...See below.

3. Save 100 dollarzzzzzz/week.

Despite LA Fitness Gym and the bank (both trying to steal my money in equally scummy ways) I've continued to save the money,honey.

4. Veeeeeeeeeeeeegan. Do it.

And doin' it and doin' it.

5. Lose 5 pounds in Jan, Feb, and March. Keep it off.

Still...No weight lost, but none gained! So there's an upside. I need to keep focusing on what I eat, obviously, because...

6. Go to the gym 6 days a week.

...isn't the problem! This is easy for me...If only refraining from eating vegan chocolate and peanut butter was as easy...


I can't wait to wear my pretty red flats more often....

And more outfits like these, minus the pants and leggings...And rainboots (even though they rock).

Yes, I know I look like I really have to pee..I don't really know what I was doing....

Thursday, February 26, 2009

"I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove BEER!"

Today, during lunch, H and I were discussing dessert, and how she cannot have dessert unless she's eaten a good amount of her lunch. This following dialogue is word for word, word.

H: Are you allowed to have dessert?

Me: Only if I eat my lunch first!

H: I love love LOVE LOVE BEER! But I'm not allowed!

Me: What? Beer?!


Me: Who gives you beer?

H: Daddy!

Me: Um...But only a little bit, right?

H: Yup! Like this shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhllllllllllllllllluuuuurp!

As much as she drives me nuts, I love her to death. It's never boring with Little Miss H.M.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


So last week was my Bday...And amongst a load of things that I was forced to realize that week, I also noticed that for whatever reason I spend, no waste, too much of my time on people whom, to quote Oprah Winfrey, deplete me.

I really can't put my finger on why I do it. Most of the time when I'm even around these people, I'm fidgiting, nervous, and uncomfortable...Worse, I second guess myself into acting like someone I not, and thinking that the person I am just isn't good enough. Hmm...Maybe this is why I stopped hanging out with those very same people in the first place.

Well, guess what, from here on out:
I realize that this may make me sound like a b-word. But if you knew me at all, you'd know that I'm everything but that.

I'm an Aquarius, for the record.


Monday, February 23, 2009

family, no matter what

Last night, as I was leaving the gym, I had a voice mail from my mom to "...Call home when you get this, everything's fine, but call home." I didn't really think much of it, my mom usually says this...She knows me so well.

My dad picked up the phone and just mentioned that they had gone to St.Louis for a show and that my mom wanted to tell me about it. Sounded normal...

My mom gets on the phone and says, "Well...We had to come home at 5 am...Because...And, everything is fine now but..."

And I won't write what she told me. But...I am aware that people make mistakes, and that my family is not excluded from making mistakes either. But you never expect your family to make mistakes or to let you down (even when they make the same mistakes you've made).

And although I am disappointed, I will always love my family no matter what they do.

And now that promises have been made that these mistakes won't happen again, we move on.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

i want...

children with excitment, skipping down sidewalks
hot hot hot hot heat
suntan freckled skin
bare feet meets sand
fresh air
iced cucumber water
long walks
health care
unfiltered actions for once

anything can be

This past week has involved a lot of thinking, analyzing, deep emotional digging, and tears. I have been forced to deal with things I never asked, "WHY?!" about and then forced to answer them...Now I am trying to overcome them. It's sad. It's uncomfortable. It's disappointing. It's terrifying.

There are two people whom I love very much in this world and I owe them everything. But. I am 25 now. It's time for me to stop seeking their approval, and to start seeking my own approval. 

listen to the mustnts,child,
listen to the donts
listen to the shouldnts,
the impossibles,
the wonts
listen to the never haves,
then listen close to me...
anything can happen, child,
anything can be.
-Shel Silverstein via iCiNG (Thank you Gala Darling. Your timing is dead on.)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I want to move home right now. Right. This. Very. Second.

I want to be teaching right now. Right. This. Very. Second.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Just some thoughts...

Today I attended my first ever pilates class. Surprisingly enough, it really challeneged my legs. As a runner, I think my legs are the strongest part of my body...Not strong enough apparently. I'm going to try to go to this class at least once a week. Tomorrow, it's yoga!

I also noticed that I am currently running a mile in 9:40 minutes at 6.0 to 6.8 intervals. I'm going to start keeping track of this and see how much it improves month by month.

Also....I am extremely thankful for my brothers. I'm lucky enough to have three of them.

This is my big brother Josh. We're only a year an a half apart and we're totally night and day. When we were little I wanted to be him, and I still think he's an extremely amazing and heroic person. He joined the Navy exactly 2 days before 9/11 and continues to serve in the Army as a guard at Guantanamo Bay. He's always the one to tell me like it is, no filters, no b.s., even if it makes me cry...But most importantly, when I do cry, he's always there offering his shoulder.

This is my little brother, Paul. Now, all of my brother's are absolutely adorable but this kid is just too damn charming. I think he could smooth talk his way out of any situation...If not, he could sure make you laugh about it. He doesn't like a lot of people to know this either, but he has a huge heart. One time he called me just because he "had a bad feeling and thought I might need him." He'll do anything for anyone, and try to cover up his tracks along the way.

This is my littlest bro bro, Joey/Joe Joe/ Wilby. He is just a blue eyed, good hearted, adorable, sweetheart. He's the only sibling of mine to have our Grandpa's blue eyes which make him that much more adorable. I think he's the funniest of my brother's. With the exception of his quick wit and humor, I think we're the most alike. He's a little shy and musical (He won't admit it but he's really good at beat boxing).
Those are my bros. I love them. In writing this, I've had to keep from crying the entire time.
I was the only girl amongst the 3 of them until I was 12 (Then little Molls came along and everyone knows how much I love my baby sister). Because of them (and of course my parents) I had the best childhood of making huge mud puddles with the intention of completely immursing ourselves in mud; building forts every single weekend; spending Friday nights playing football with the neighbors; camping in the back yard; bike riding everywhere; turning every chore into some form of mischief; and so so so much more.
I have also been told that my best qualities are patience, honesty, and bluntness. I couldn't have obtained any of that without them.
Thanks, guys.
P.S. The last time I was home, my brother, Paul, mentioned that in comparison to his friends and their siblings-we seem to be so much closer. He said that he knows that no matter what, if he needed any one of us, we would all drop everything to help him.
I feel the same way- I first noticed it when our Grandpa passed away last year. At the visitation and the funeral I felt like we all stuck together and were constantly checking in with one another. And me, being the emotional one, always had someone's shoulders to hide my sobbing face in. I hope and prey it never changes.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Maybe you should get to work on that...

This morning when I came to work...For whatever reason H said,


"But I don't have any kids!" I replied.

Without even a pause, she responded,

"Well maybe you should get to work on that...."

She's three, folks. Three. Her mom had to leave the room she was laughing so hard.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Everyone loves kittens...Including me. So when I came home last weekend and saw the kittens that my brother's cat just had...I succumbed to claiming two of them.

Meet Marley (my brother loves this kitten, but my dad won't let him keep it-So I am!)...

And this little kitty... We don't have a name for her yet. I thought, "Maybe Tina! So I can say things like 'Eat your freakin' food, Tina. Ya fat lard!" But that seems kind of mean...So I dunno yet.

These pictures are down right ugly...I'll take better pictures next time I'm home.

P.S. Any suggestions for kitten number #2? She/he's grey with white paws...

Thursday, January 29, 2009


Tomorrow I am going home....

And I'm superly duperly stoked about it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Year of the Ox

So I meant to post this the other day, better late than never. This year is the year of the Ox in Chinese Astrology...I, however, am a Rat! My horoscope is as follows via iCiNG.

<3 Rat 1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996

Romance could be tricky for rats this year. Many of you in long-term relationships will come to the realisation that the person you’re with is not the one you actually want. However, that’s the only area of 2009 which presents problems, because everything else looks wonderful. This is a great year for your career, especially for those people who work outdoors or have positions of leadership or authority. Rats will eat a lot of good food this year too, but should take care not to overindulge! The elder family members of rats may have health problems, & rats are discouraged from engaging in risky sports because the chance of getting harmed is high! Overall, rats will make great progress this year as long as they know that good things take time.

Hmmm.....We shall see, Chinese Astrology....We shall see.

i want more tattoos and cute hair

like this girl, gala darling...she is adorable

Resolutions, Resolutions Update

An update of my Resolutions for 2009.

1. Volunteer at the Children's Hospital.
I haven't done this yet. I think there's an informational meeting next month, but I can't remember. I did send an email, asking about how to volunteer....So...I'm getting there? I need to try harder on this one.

2. Be creative.
This was an easy one for me...I've completed and hung 2 paintings that go together. I love them! I've also been working more on my scrapbook. Ultimately, I want to sew more. So far so good though.

3. Save 100 dollars a week.

Done and done! I've saved mega bucks this month and I love it!

4. Vegan: Do it.
With the occasional slip of chocolate and sometimes inevitable skim latte (because I can no longer have soy, doctor's orders), I've done pretty well this month.

5. Lose 5 lbs each month until March.
Womp! Womp! Haven't done this one this month. Although, I've been working out 5-6 days a week. I can only conclude that I need to pay more attention to what and when I eat. I have a bad habit of snacking-And even though I usually eat healthy things all the time, snacking is still a bad habit and isn't good for my metabolism (which is already pretty crummy).

6. Go to the gym 6 days a week.

3.5 out of 6 this month, (a .5 for the vegan goal)...I think I'm doin pretty darn tootin grand!

Monday, January 26, 2009

what i want for my birthday

Death Cab for Cutie is pleased to announce 2009 US tour dates.Ticket links and the current tour information will be available at
Friday, April 17th @ Chicago, ILAragon Ballroomw/ Cold War Kids, Ra Ra RiotFan club pre-sale begins 1/28, 3PM local time at: on-sale date: 1/31

"pro-optimism, pro-masturbation, pro-empowerment"

My friend, lindsey, is a smart and talented lady. Check it out.


Saturday, January 24, 2009

early bird

Tonight I'm staying in...Again.

I've finally decided to stop fighting the battle and admit that I am not a night person. I have always been this way. I love going to bed at a decent hour and I LOVE waking up between the hours of 5 and 7 AM.

I love waking up and heading straight to the gym. I love that hardly anyone is there while I start and finish my 30-40 minute run. It just gives me this amazing peace of mind that sets the mood for the rest of my day. I also revel in the thought that by 10 AM I've run 3-4 miles, started have made it through 2 hours of work already, and/or painted/cleaned/done laundry/written/etc...Most of the people I know haven't even gotten out of bed by that time.

Enter the downside of being a early bird...A lot of my friends are night owls. Their night begins when my head hits the pillow. I wish I could stay up late, but when I do I usually feel pretty crummy the next day.

Anyway, tonight I'm hangin out solo, sipping wine, sitting in my pjs, and surfing the internet and having more fun than I would at a bar.

Feel Good Naked

Why more women should FEEL GOOD NAKED!

Poll shows high early approval rating for Obama

"The new survey by Gallup — the first conducted entirely after Obama took the oath of office Tuesday — found 68 percent of Americans approve of how the new president is handling the job." -Alexander Mooney CNN

Friday, January 23, 2009


How is it that a 3 year old can make you want to shoot yourself within a matter of minutes?

Chia Obama!

Oh...I love Obama. And I seriously want one of these for my upcoming BDay. Fo' reals!


This morning I woke up at about 4 with a funky stomach and I couldn't get back to sleep.For some reason I randomly started thinking of baby names for my unborn children. I felt kinda crazy and hope that Chris couldn't read my mind as he lay there sleeping next to me.
Of course, they were girl names, and I didn't really like any of them...Probably because right now, I'm in no position to have children. I don't even want them right now. Hell, with my job I don't need to have any kids right now. In a way, I have three of my own kids, ages 3, 1, and 4 months. We kick from 8-5:30 Monday-Friday and then I'm done. Usually by the end of the day I fly out of work like it's on fire...
So yeah, I don't really know why I lay there for a half hour thinking about baby names. Is okay to blame hormones?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

January 20, 2009

Yesterday, at work, I watched the inauguration with H and D.

"Look, H, it's our new President!" I said as I pointed to the tv.

She looked at the tv for a minute and then said, "I'm going to be President when I grow up! And D can be President too! I will love him and hug him!"

"Who will you love and hug?" I asked her.

"BARACK OBAMA!" she said to me, as if to say, "DUH, PATTY!"

I love it. Then she went on and on about how she was going to "...Wear a pink coat with princess swirls on it! And I'm going to be a dancer, a ballerina, the president, and a fairy!"

Oh three year olds...I love it.

Friday, January 16, 2009

a love letter

Oh, long beautiful hair, how I miss you so!

Today's Weather...

Sunny. Continued very cold. Highs 5 to 9 above. Lowest wind chill readings 30 below to 40 below zero in the morning. Southwest winds 10 to 15 mph.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

This cartoon made me remember...

Married To The Sea

So, this one time, my friend Lindsey Jane and I decided it would be a really good idea to pretend that we had JBM. That's right, JUST BEEN MARRIED!

So we decorated my '91 dark blue toyota camry with soap and paint...Pink triangles, things such as "JUST HITCHED," rainbows, etc....

We dressed up in our old prom dresses....

We drove around blaring Weezer's, "Pink Triangle."

We drove around Savoy, Champaign-Urbana, and the U of I campus specifically (and guess what, it was move in day for students-PERFECTO!)

I think we also stopped by Wal-Mart for some reason, I don't remember why.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, good times.

And then, there's this:

Married To The Sea

Oh, Natalie Dee...You are my hero.

natalie dee

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Today I...

Woke up at 5 am and lifted weights for an hour

Built a climbing course for a 1 yr old

Went sledding

read many many children's books

took a nap

baked vegan peanut butter chocolate chip cookies

cleaned up the mess from baking +the mess from H and D's "WE'RE BAKING COOKIES TOO, PATTY!"

did 40 minutes of cardio

and smiled....all day long

Monday, January 12, 2009

Awwww snap!

Today I start my new job as a nanny to a new family. I am excited to learn so much from a teeny tiny 3 month old! I am also thrillllllllllllllled to be working with a family who will be...Sane.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

"...And Jesus laughed and he laughed!"

Every day at work, the kids have "rest time." Usually D will sleep, he's only 1 so he's pretty tuckered out by noon. But H is 3 and feels she doesn't "need" a nap anymore, so we now call it "rest time." While she doesn't have to nap, she has to stay in bed and read books or play quietly with a few toys. After an hour or so, she falls asleep.

Today, during "rest time," I heard H "reading" loudly. As I crept upstairs to ask her to quiet down so she wouldn't wake her brother up, this is what I heard:


What was she reading, you ask? Baby's First French Words

Sunday, January 4, 2009

i used to be pretty irrational.

Four years ago, before I left for college, I cried because I was scared of what might happen to my little sister and brother without me...Guess what, they're fine. I used to be pretty irrational.

p.p.s. that wine was really shitty

last night i lay in bed in my skinny leg pants and pastel plaid halter top reading a book of love poems from a poet to an actress
it started from the beginning, before they even really met and i think it ends when he dies, he's much older than her, i don't really know the ending just yet...but i peeked a little bit
i drank this red wine the whole was supposed to taste like fruit and chocolate. but it tasted like water and shitty wine.
normally i get drunk half way through a glass, and last night was a normal night
i easily lost focus on a page and found myself thinking of the first time i made love, not sex, love
i'm surprised i remember every detail of how it began
the Appleseed Cast and dimmed lights, my teenage room and scared teenage mind
and he told me, " You're beautiful."
i don't remember anything after that,
but how kind and gentle you always were in that relationship...
especially in my reckless state of mind
i don't know if i really meant it last time we talked,
but i'm sorry for my carelessness


how ironic is it that this new, beautiful, amazing love i have found started out with the same band? i just realized this.

p.p.s. that wine was really shitty

Saturday, January 3, 2009

where is the line with you

i am done being you reason to believe in love

i think your better off dealing with the fact love is not a reason to believe that one day things will be great and you will feel content

you cannot feel great, you cannot feel content, when you feel so misplaced withing yourself

what you have become lately is complete bullshit

i don't know who this person is that hides her emotions with alcohol and stupid disrespect of sex

you will not feel great, you will not feel content, until you deal with what is really happening within yourself

i am through understanding your cowardice

i have been exactly where you stand today...except honest and stronger

and i can't stand behind you when you turn your back on me whenever meaninglessness is an option

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Resolutions Resolutions

So............New year, new goals. I did pretty good with last years goal of loosing weight. Which wasn't hard...Quitting birth control can do wonders! But I would still like to loose a few among other things. Here are my resolutions:

1. Go to the gym 6 days a week.
This shouldn't be too hard for me to do. I'm pretty good about it, except for those days
when I drank too much the night before or worked too late.

2. Lose 5 pounds of fatty fat in January, February, and March and keep it off.

3. Go back to being a vegan.
After reading the book, Skinny Bitch (Oh, yes! I am embarrassed about this one!), and
after wanting to puke at the things I read, I'm going back to it. I pretty much was one
already, but I made exceptions for fish and eggs....Not any more. More and more, I believe
that our bodies are not made to eat and digest meat and dairy.

4. Save $100 a week.
Since I'm moving back to Chambana in the summer, I'll need to save up some dough.
Besides, there's something comforting about knowing there's a bunch of money stashed
away for a rainy day.

5. Be more creative.
This includes painting, sewing, music, e'rethaaaaaaaaang. I find myself laying on the couch a
lot watching tv in my downtime, when instead I could be doin' stuff!

6. Volunteer at the Children's Hospital.
Need I say more?

I think that's it......I've written these down in my day planner so I can stare at them daily. We'll see how this year goes!