Today I...

Woke up at 5 am and lifted weights for an hour

Built a climbing course for a 1 yr old

Went sledding

read many many children's books

took a nap

baked vegan peanut butter chocolate chip cookies

cleaned up the mess from baking +the mess from H and D's "WE'RE BAKING COOKIES TOO, PATTY!"

did 40 minutes of cardio

and smiled....all day long

Awwww snap!

Today I start my new job as a nanny to a new family. I am excited to learn so much from a teeny tiny 3 month old! I am also thrillllllllllllllled to be working with a family who will be...Sane.

"...And Jesus laughed and he laughed!"

Every day at work, the kids have "rest time." Usually D will sleep, he's only 1 so he's pretty tuckered out by noon. But H is 3 and feels she doesn't "need" a nap anymore, so we now call it "rest time." While she doesn't have to nap, she has to stay in bed and read books or play quietly with a few toys. After an hour or so, she falls asleep.

Today, during "rest time," I heard H "reading" loudly. As I crept upstairs to ask her to quiet down so she wouldn't wake her brother up, this is what I heard:

"AND JESUS LAUGHED AND HE LAUGHED!!!"

What was she reading, you ask? Baby's First French Words

i used to be pretty irrational.

Four years ago, before I left for college, I cried because I was scared of what might happen to my little sister and brother without me...Guess what, they're fine. I used to be pretty irrational.

p.p.s. that wine was really shitty

last night i lay in bed in my skinny leg pants and pastel plaid halter top reading a book of love poems from a poet to an actress
it started from the beginning, before they even really met and i think it ends when he dies, he's much older than her, i don't really know the ending just yet...but i peeked a little bit
i drank this red wine the whole time...it was supposed to taste like fruit and chocolate. but it tasted like water and shitty wine.
normally i get drunk half way through a glass, and last night was a normal night
i easily lost focus on a page and found myself thinking of the first time i made love, not sex, love
i'm surprised i remember every detail of how it began
the Appleseed Cast and dimmed lights, my teenage room and scared teenage mind
and he told me, " You're beautiful."
i don't remember anything after that,
but how kind and gentle you always were in that relationship...
especially in my reckless state of mind
i don't know if i really meant it last time we talked,
but i'm sorry for my carelessness

p.s.

how ironic is it that this new, beautiful, amazing love i have found started out with the same band? i just realized this.

p.p.s. that wine was really shitty

where is the line with you

i am done being you reason to believe in love

i think your better off dealing with the fact love is not a reason to believe that one day things will be great and you will feel content

you cannot feel great, you cannot feel content, when you feel so misplaced withing yourself

what you have become lately is complete bullshit

i don't know who this person is that hides her emotions with alcohol and stupid disrespect of sex

you will not feel great, you will not feel content, until you deal with what is really happening within yourself

i am through understanding your cowardice

i have been exactly where you stand today...except honest and stronger

and i can't stand behind you when you turn your back on me whenever meaninglessness is an option

Resolutions Resolutions

So............New year, new goals. I did pretty good with last years goal of loosing weight. Which wasn't hard...Quitting birth control can do wonders! But I would still like to loose a few among other things. Here are my resolutions:

1. Go to the gym 6 days a week.
This shouldn't be too hard for me to do. I'm pretty good about it, except for those days
when I drank too much the night before or worked too late.

2. Lose 5 pounds of fatty fat in January, February, and March and keep it off.

3. Go back to being a vegan.
After reading the book, Skinny Bitch (Oh, yes! I am embarrassed about this one!), and
after wanting to puke at the things I read, I'm going back to it. I pretty much was one
already, but I made exceptions for fish and eggs....Not any more. More and more, I believe
that our bodies are not made to eat and digest meat and dairy.

4. Save $100 a week.
Since I'm moving back to Chambana in the summer, I'll need to save up some dough.
Besides, there's something comforting about knowing there's a bunch of money stashed
away for a rainy day.

5. Be more creative.
This includes painting, sewing, music, e'rethaaaaaaaaang. I find myself laying on the couch a
lot watching tv in my downtime, when instead I could be doin' stuff!

6. Volunteer at the Children's Hospital.
Need I say more?

I think that's it......I've written these down in my day planner so I can stare at them daily. We'll see how this year goes!