HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?!

i want...

MacBook

raw

kittens

tattoos

sing
dance
juice
soup
smiles
laughter
giddiness
giggles
children with excitment, skipping down sidewalks
sunshine
hot hot hot hot heat
suntan freckled skin
bare feet meets sand
fresh air
sweat
seagulls
iced cucumber water
long walks
sunglasses
music
teaching
health care
craziness
unfiltered actions for once
me

anything can be

This past week has involved a lot of thinking, analyzing, deep emotional digging, and tears. I have been forced to deal with things I never asked, "WHY?!" about and then forced to answer them...Now I am trying to overcome them. It's sad. It's uncomfortable. It's disappointing. It's terrifying.

There are two people whom I love very much in this world and I owe them everything. But. I am 25 now. It's time for me to stop seeking their approval, and to start seeking my own approval. 

listen to the mustnts,child,

listen to the donts

listen to the shouldnts,

the impossibles,

the wonts

listen to the never haves,

then listen close to me...

anything can happen, child,

anything can be.

-Shel Silverstein via iCiNG (Thank you Gala Darling. Your timing is dead on.)

Hmph!

I want to move home right now. Right. This. Very. Second.


I want to be teaching right now. Right. This. Very. Second.

Just some thoughts...

Today I attended my first ever pilates class. Surprisingly enough, it really challeneged my legs. As a runner, I think my legs are the strongest part of my body...Not strong enough apparently. I'm going to try to go to this class at least once a week. Tomorrow, it's yoga!

I also noticed that I am currently running a mile in 9:40 minutes at 6.0 to 6.8 intervals. I'm going to start keeping track of this and see how much it improves month by month.


Also....I am extremely thankful for my brothers. I'm lucky enough to have three of them.


This is my big brother Josh. We're only a year an a half apart and we're totally night and day. When we were little I wanted to be him, and I still think he's an extremely amazing and heroic person. He joined the Navy exactly 2 days before 9/11 and continues to serve in the Army as a guard at Guantanamo Bay. He's always the one to tell me like it is, no filters, no b.s., even if it makes me cry...But most importantly, when I do cry, he's always there offering his shoulder.

This is my little brother, Paul. Now, all of my brother's are absolutely adorable but this kid is just too damn charming. I think he could smooth talk his way out of any situation...If not, he could sure make you laugh about it. He doesn't like a lot of people to know this either, but he has a huge heart. One time he called me just because he "had a bad feeling and thought I might need him." He'll do anything for anyone, and try to cover up his tracks along the way.

This is my littlest bro bro, Joey/Joe Joe/ Wilby. He is just a blue eyed, good hearted, adorable, sweetheart. He's the only sibling of mine to have our Grandpa's blue eyes which make him that much more adorable. I think he's the funniest of my brother's. With the exception of his quick wit and humor, I think we're the most alike. He's a little shy and musical (He won't admit it but he's really good at beat boxing).

Those are my bros. I love them. In writing this, I've had to keep from crying the entire time.

I was the only girl amongst the 3 of them until I was 12 (Then little Molls came along and everyone knows how much I love my baby sister). Because of them (and of course my parents) I had the best childhood of making huge mud puddles with the intention of completely immursing ourselves in mud; building forts every single weekend; spending Friday nights playing football with the neighbors; camping in the back yard; bike riding everywhere; turning every chore into some form of mischief; and so so so much more.

I have also been told that my best qualities are patience, honesty, and bluntness. I couldn't have obtained any of that without them.

Thanks, guys.

P.S. The last time I was home, my brother, Paul, mentioned that in comparison to his friends and their siblings-we seem to be so much closer. He said that he knows that no matter what, if he needed any one of us, we would all drop everything to help him.

I feel the same way- I first noticed it when our Grandpa passed away last year. At the visitation and the funeral I felt like we all stuck together and were constantly checking in with one another. And me, being the emotional one, always had someone's shoulders to hide my sobbing face in. I hope and prey it never changes.

Maybe you should get to work on that...

This morning when I came to work...For whatever reason H said,

"AND THEN YOU CAN DO IT TOO WITH YOUR KIDS!!!"

"But I don't have any kids!" I replied.

Without even a pause, she responded,

"Well maybe you should get to work on that...."


She's three, folks. Three. Her mom had to leave the room she was laughing so hard.

Kittens....

Everyone loves kittens...Including me. So when I came home last weekend and saw the kittens that my brother's cat just had...I succumbed to claiming two of them.

Meet Marley (my brother loves this kitten, but my dad won't let him keep it-So I am!)...

And this little kitty... We don't have a name for her yet. I thought, "Maybe Tina! So I can say things like 'Eat your freakin' food, Tina. Ya fat lard!" But that seems kind of mean...So I dunno yet.

These pictures are down right ugly...I'll take better pictures next time I'm home.

P.S. Any suggestions for kitten number #2? She/he's grey with white paws...